A Constant State of Confusion
by jacshack
Summary: Can be read as a follow on to the oneshot "Exhale" - Effy's mad at Freddie after a wild party and he has no idea why - but he's about to find out. With the Freffy drama we all know and love... Rated for language. Freffy. NOW FINALLY COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: My second story ever :) trying to fill the gap between now and the start of Season 4, when we hopefully get some more Freffy!! This will probably end up being 3 or 4 chapters, just wanted to try something a little longer than a oneshot. Can be read as a follow-on to "Exhale" but bear in mind that this is a different party!! And it will end happily, I promise :) I love Freddie and Effy together and there will be none of this Effy/Cook nonsense. x**

* * *

"Fuuuck" Freddie mumbled into the back of the sofa, trying desperately to slip back into unconsciousness and away from the throbbing pain in his skull. He could feel his heartbeat in his head and his stomache felt like something heavy and filthy was resting inside it.

"Fuck." He repeated, voice muffled into the –he realised as his sense of smell kicked in – reeking couch.

Slowly he rolled and forced himself upright, testing with every movement how his head and belly were reacting. Once he was sitting he lowered his head into his hands, trying to figure out through the fog of last night where he was. And how he was going to drive himself home with the hangover of death thumping away at his guts. _Where the fuck did I park my car?_

* * *

Freddie spots Effy from across the grass, sitting on the steps of the college, smoke in hand and bored expression across her delicate features. Pandora chatters animatedly beside her, waving her arms as she tells her story. From this distance he can't make out what she's saying, but his eyes aren't on Panda anyway.

He smiles, willing Effy to look in his direction, but his smirk changes to confusion when she looks in his direction, meets his eyes with clear distain. _Maybe her parents fucked up again? _He wonders, trying to decipher her mood. She looked haughty and cool, but even from this far away he can read the anger just below her controlled expression. Freddie starts making his way toward them; skateboard tucked under one arm, shoulder bag slung over the other. He's almost in front of them when the bell rings, signalling the start of first classes for the day. Pandora leaps to her feet, teetering slightly off-balance, greeting him with a cheerful wave and enthusiastic "Whizzer party last night, Freds, weren't it? Thomas said-"

"Come on Panda," Effy cuts her off, stubbing out her cigarette and taking Pandora's hand.

She turns her back on Freddie without even a glance in his direction, and he jogs a little to catch up, shifting his board to his other side and resting his cool hand on the curve of her hip. He's expecting her to lean into him, allow him to slide his hand lower onto her arse, grin at him slyly.

But she doesn't. She drops Pandora's hand and covers his own, fingers twining with his on the smooth line of her hip. It rests there for a second, then she pulls his hand away from her, pressing it back towards him and letting it go. "Don't."

For the first time she looks up into his face, blank expression regarding his bewildered one. _What the fuck am I supposed to have done __**now**__? _But he doesn't get a chance to ask because before he can formulate a question she pulls away, turning her attention towards Pandora's inane chatter and walking off without a backward glance.

Freddie shakes his head, groaning internally. He can't deal with this shit right now, he's fucking hungover and he's already puked twice since he left the house. She's being all mysterious again and while Freddie normally finds this a bit charming, right now he has no idea what he's done to piss her off and trying to figure it is going to have to wait because behind one of these doors he can hear _Oggi Oggi Oggi _and he knows he's going to be back in the shit with his dad if he keeps showing up late to his classes.

* * *

Normally they all convene on the grass outside to eat their lunch and smoke a few, but today the grey sky is threatening to break and they decide not to risk being caught in the downpour. It meant they had to be surrounded by the rest of the chattering college students but they didn't mind so much.

Effy was glad. The extra noise meant she could get away with saying little. It meant she could just smile or nod or fix someone with the appropriate piercing stare and they'd let her because otherwise they have to almost yell over the sound all around them, and Effy didn't yell. People just shut up when she talked.

But right now she didn't want to talk. She wanted to brood and she wanted Freddie to fucking figure out what he had to say sorry for, and even though she knew it was wrong she wanted to see him make his pissed off face when she told him she wasn't going to forgive him.

Because she wasn't.

So she sat silently, pretending to watch JJ reduce Emily to a state of giggly awe with a card trick. She determinedly didn't look up when Freddie and Cook arrived at the table. Effy heard Cook guffawing loudly, knowing his head would be thrown back with mirth. She doesn't really want to see his face though. He doesn't hold any interest for her anymore, only lingering guilt when she thinks of how she hurt him, how she hurt Freddie, how she hurt JJ. He is a reminder of the pain she's caused and she doesn't care to see him.

Freddie she cares about.

But it's Freddie she wants to punish. So when he slings down his bag, haphazardly, and throws himself just as carelessly onto the table she's sitting on, looping his arm around her shoulder and pressing his face to her neck, she doesn't respond. He's still chuckling about something, but when he feels her tense lack of reaction he stops and instead kisses her neck, below her ear. Usually she would place her small hand on his leg, move it slowly towards his crotch. She'd smile at the little satisfied noises he makes as she works her way higher and he buries his face in her, sliding his hands up and down her body, giving everyone a show and making Cook fall uncharacteristically silent and JJ chatter uncomfortably.

But today she shifts away, pushing his tanned arm off her shoulders and pressing her hand against his cheek to make him stop. The same hand, the same cheek that she'd slapped the night before at the party, but he doesn't remember.

"Fuck off," she tells him simply. Her face gives nothing away, but her words are serious and he realises she's not just playing this time.

"Eff?" he asks cautiously, but a little annoyed at the same time that whatever her problem was this morning she hasn't forgiven him for yet. "What's the fucking problem now?"

She raises her eyebrows, mockingly. "The 'fucking problem' is I don't want you touching me, alright?" She shakes her head a little, a tiny movement, but it manages to convey enough. _Fucking clueless tosser _is what Freddie gets out of it.

Freddie rolls his eyes and scoots away from her. She's being a bitch and he doesn't know why, and maybe tomorrow he'll work it out but not right this second. Right now his head feels like someone kicked it and she's not making it any better.

"Whatever. Anyone got any spliff?" Effy makes a scoffing sound, which Freddie pointedly ignores, then she gets up gracefully from the table and starts to walk out. He watches her go, confusion and irritation written plainly across his handsome face.

Everyone else in the group turns their attention to her retreating back, before looking at Freddie for some indication of where she was going. Freddie shrugs.

"What the fuck's going on with her?" he asks no one in particular.

Cook, JJ, Thomas and Pandora look back just as blankly, and Emily and Katie look down. Ems' face is unreadable but Katie's has an unmistakable expression of glee. He gets nothing from anyone except Naomi, whose mouth opens slightly in surprise.

"Are you serious? You fucked up, mate." She laughs when she realises he has no idea what she's talking about, then continues quickly when his look of indignation turns into a scowl. "Jesus, how shitfaced _were _you last night? You don't remember fighting with her? You don't remember what you _said?_"

Freddie, utterly lost, strains to remember any pieces of last night still fragmented in his consciousness. He remembers a stinging slap, pain in his cheek, throwing up against a wall outside somewhere. He remembers Effy's mouth against his. He remembers her in his arms, dancing and grinding against him. Drinking a whole bottle of vodka, he remembers that. He remembers long blonde hair.

Wait.

_Fuck._

"Naomi… I think you need to tell me what the fuck happened at that party last night. Right now."

* * *

**So that's it for chapter 1. I'd like to try and hold out for a review before I go onto the next chapter but if not then it'll be up in a couple of days anyway. Feedback is greatly appreciated and I hope you enjoy!! J x**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Thanks for the positive feedback!! I'll try not to disappoint :)**

* * *

Freddie doesn't see Effy for the rest of the day, and when he asks Pandora where she is he's told that she didn't come to class after lunch. It's not like this is anything new, but he really wants to see her, wants to talk to her, wants to pull her against his chest and whisper _I'm sorry _into her ear and feel her shiver and relent grudgingly. He wants to see her adorable uncertain half-smile when he tells her he loves her and the shrug that says to him _You messed up, but I love you too _and then the glare that lets him know _Don't do it again._

But he can't, because she's fucking hiding again. When Pandora had told him she'd just left the college without a word to anyone, his stomache, still full of hangover, had heaved and rolled and Freddie had to swallow against the sudden urge to be sick. But his calmer, more rational, laidback side had taken over. _She's not __**gone **__gone. She'd just be at her house, or down at the lake, that's all. _

He'd made her promise that she wouldn't run again, lying tangled in her bed, and he'd trapped her with his weight as she'd tried to squirm away. _**Promise,**_ he'd ordered, brown eyes serious.

_Promise what?_ She'd asked lightly, turning her face to the side, away from his gaze.

_Promise you won't run away without me. You scared the shit out of me last time._

_Don't be a pussy, Freddie._

_Promise, Effy._

She'd leant up and kissed him on the mouth, trying to avoid the somber moment. _Whatever, I promise. _He'd grinned, wonder and triumph on his brown face. _Now get off me, I need a smoke._

* * *

Freddie trudged home, skateboard under his arm. He'd just spoken to Anthea, wrapped in her dressing gown, and been told to fuck off because Effy wasn't home.

So there he was, fucking off, annoyance and tiredness and the foul weather dragging at his mood. What Naomi had told him had brought back increasingly clear memories of the night before, and he remembered the yelling and her beautiful angry glare and calling her a bitch and being called a fucking wanker and more alcohol, not vodka this time but something stronger. He wanted to talk to her. He thinks there's more to the story than Naomi knows and Effy's the only one that can tell him for sure.

When Freddie makes it back to his flat, he doesn't bother going inside – he can hear Karen's music spewing out through the gaps in the windows and he doesn't really want to deal with his dad's baleful moping tonight. Instead he walks through the garden, heading for the shed, pausing only to rummage through his bag for a joint he'd carefully rolled earlier.

He steps through and stops just inside the door, closing it quietly and gently behind him.

Effy is asleep on the sofa, textbooks and paper strewn on the floor in front of her. She's obviously been caught in the rain, hair that was straight this morning is now curly and wild and damp. Her mascara is smudged down her cheeks like black tears and the combined effect makes her look small and cold. Freddie shrugs out of his hoodie, trying not to disturb her as he places it over her like a blanket. Then he settles down on the floor, pick up her copy of Hamlet, leans back against the couch where he can hear her steady breathing.

Freddie lights up his joint, and waits for her to wake up.

Half an hour later, immersed in Shakespeare, Freddie doesn't hear her breath become uneven. "Naomi's right, you know," she whispers, her voice still raspy from sleep.

Freddie, jumps, and stiffens. He knew it. He'd really fucked up, Naomi had been right, he'd messed up and it was all his fault and she was right to be angry. Without saying anything, unsure about how she's going to continue, he turns his head to the left to see her face. She still has her eyes closed and a sleepy smile on her face. Freddie is confused.

"Eff?" he ventures.

"Naomi's right. There's… loads…" (she yawns, covering her mouth with her hand and dislodging his jacket in the process) "…Loads of wanking in Hamlet," Effy finishes, and Freddie lets out a relieved sigh and chuckles.

She opens her eyes, watches her boyfriend shake his head in disbelief at her. "Fucking Hamlet," he says, putting his new joint in his mouth. She watches him inhale for a second, then reaches out, takes it from his lips and puts it between her own. She sits up, letting his grey hoodie slide off her completely and onto the floor.

"What are you doing here, Effy?" he asks curiously. He wonders if she still hates him.

Her lips curl up into an unforgiving smirk, and she shakes her hair back from her face, running her fingertips under her eyes to wipe away some of the shadows. Now she's fully awake she's remembered why she's mad at him, why she came to his shed, why she waited for him to come home. But he hasn't said the words she wants to hear and so she stands up, straightens her clothes, and starts to walk past him, knowing from where he's sitting on the floor he must have a fantastic view of her arse but not caring because she wasn't going to let him touch her and if she leaves him uncomfortable then _good _because he fucking well deserves it.

Before she reaches the door Freddie's on his feet, and in a few long strides he's right behind her, each of his hands on her hips and halting her progress. He turns her, expecting her to fight him, but she just lets him, as if she couldn't care less. She doesn't meet his eyes, fights to convey _disinterested_.

"Effy. I know what I think I remember, and I know what other people reckon happened last night. But if I'm right you need to fucking stop being mad at me because I am _not_ the only one who messed up last night." He watches her face, still not meeting his gaze, and feels triumphant when her eyes narrow almost imperceptibly.

He grins.

Effy scowls.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed!! Let me know what you thought :) J x**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks so much for all the positive feedback and alerts and that kind of thing!! I agree that Naomily are taking over and we need more Freddie and Effy!! And just a warning before we begin - this chap is a bit angsty but I am an optimist and I think Freffy will make it through just fine :)**

* * *

Effy sits on the couch, knees together and hands folded neatly in her lap. Freddie stands in front of her – realises he's looking down on her – feels like he should speak first. But he doesn't. Their positions echo that of the night she finally made her decision; her gaze, uncertain but still faintly mocking, his, pissed off and disbelieving.

Effy's eyes bore into Freddie's and she raises and eyebrow. "Well?"

He looks back at her, makes an attempt not to sound whiney. "Well. You… slapped me." he tries not to sound like it hurt.

She rolls her eyes. Her face gives away none of the dull pain she's feeling, none of the betrayal, the broken-heartedness that she'd been expecting since that day when he'd come looking for her in Cook's little fishing town, but that she'd never expected to feel so deeply. Her face is a dignified mask and her voice doesn't falter when she says "That blonde an alright shag?"

Effy's words, so carelessly delivered, thud into Freddie's chest like a physical thing.

"You cheated on _me._"

Effy doesn't know if he means last night, or in general. Freddie turns his back to her, clenching and unclenching his fists in anger and pain. He can't hide his feelings like she can and her careless, quiet declaration has left him reeling.

Effy sees the hurt on his face before he turns. Wordlessly she gets up from the couch, takes a step toward him, puts her hand out to touch his back – offer him some kind of comfort. But she stops herself before her fingertips make contact with his shirt and she spins quickly and walks away.

Freddie doesn't turn around.

* * *

_The night before, at the party_

Effy gyrates alone on the dancefloor, hands tangled in her own hair, riding the buzz from the cocktail of alcohol and pills she's already consumed. When she feels a warm chest press against her from behind and hands roam over her stomache she tilts her head back, knowing without even looking that it's Freddie. _Beautiful, _he whispers into her ear, and she grins loosely, turning in his embrace and kissing him full on the mouth.

They dance for a while before Effy pulls out of his grip, laughing drunkenly. She waves her hand towards the door. "Need some air-" she gasps between laughter, and Freddie grins, releases her, watches her make her way outside through the crowd.

They drink until Freddie has forgotten about his dad and his sister and Cook and college coursework. Effy's disappeared somewhere into the party, and when he's somewhere between monumentally fucked and passing out, he finds himself dancing in the arms of a blonde girl. She's taller than Effy, with red lips and unremarkable blue eyes. She seductively murmurs her name into his ear, which he promptly forgets.

Freddie lets her sway beside him, wondering through the fog of vodka where Effy is.

Without warning he feels someone yank his shirt and shove him backwards. "Get your fucking hands off my fucking girlfriend you fucking tosser!" someone roars into Freddie's face. He feels spit land on his cheek.

Then a much more shrill voice cuts in over the top – the blonde girl with the red lips. "You're not my boyfriend you useless cheating bastard, I dumped your fucking cock-sucking arse-" she keeps shouting insults as Freddie tries to sidle away.

The shouting boy grabs the blonde girl by the wrist, yanking her towards him. Even in his pissed state this rankles with Freddie, evokes his inner chivalry, his inbuilt _don't hit girls _radar. "Oi mate, give it a rest, yeah? She doesn't want to go with you."

The other boy lashes out, Freddie only just twisting out of the way. "Fuck" mutters Freddie, surprised, and swings his fist into hard protesting jaw. "Violent fucker." He massages his painful knuckles, intent on leaving the party with Effy as soon as possible. _Where is she?_

But the blonde has other ideas. "My_ hero!_"she all but simpers, latching her arms around Freddie's neck. He looks down at her with annoyance, and before he can even react, her red lips are clamped onto his and he's grabbing her shoulders and pushing her backwards, wiping red off his mouth and gasping for air that doesn't taste drunk and grateful. He takes a large, deliberate step back and away from her, scanning the crowded room for the petite brunette. Tramp city clings to the front of his shirt, clutching with eager painted fingernails like claws.

For a second he thinks he sees her, and then she's gone.

* * *

Effy stumbles through the doorway, mind hazy but for the crystal sharp image of Freddie and some pretty blonde girl, attached at the lips, her arms around his neck and his hands at her shoulders, as if to pull her closer. She wants to be sick. She's _going _to be sick.

Bracing herself against a counter, she gasps for breath, can't get enough air, can't seem to find enough oxygen even as she gulps it in.

"Alright, babes?" a black haired boy leers at her, his eyes roaming up and down her body.

_Freddie _she murmurs. "Gareth," the black haired boy introduces. He extends his hand. "Who's Freddie?"

"No one."

Shutting her emotions off where they can't hurt her is what Effy is good at. She takes the boy – Gareth's – offered hand, pulls him behind her, leads him to the staircase that she knows in these old houses will take them to a bedroom.

She meets _his _eyes across the crowd and watches confusion and hurt and anger flash across his face like it's a screen.

When she leads Gareth into the room, he kisses her.

She sits on the bed as the black haired boy slinks out.

* * *

The rest of the evening seems fragmented.

Later in the night they end up face to face, reaching the line for the loo at the same time. Freddie is the drunkest he's ever been in his life, wanting to block out the image of her ascending those stairs with a guy who wasn't him.

They yell. They both say cruel things, and when Freddie accuses her of never caring about him at all, she slaps him, hard, and leaves the party with a confused Naomi.

Later, as he staggers to find somewhere to collapse for the rest of the night, he hears the black haired boy tell his mates that she's frigid, and Freddie knows somewhere inside that she wouldn't have gone through with it. He just needs to tell her he knows. He thinks seriously about decking the lad for talking that way about his girlfriend, but by then he's reached the sofa and he's not quite sure he'll be able to navigate back to where the tosser is now whining about cock teases.

He concentrates hard and decides, somewhat happily, that he's the luckiest guy at the party.

Freddie passes out on the couch.

* * *

**This will probably be the last chapter I post until after Christmas but I couldn't just leave you hanging!! And just so it's clear, Effy did NOT sleep with Gareth - she let him kiss her and she realised she couldn't do it to Freddie, even though she believes that he and blondie were having a thing. :) MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!! J x**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: So sorry for the late update!! Thanks so much for everyone's patience - this was going to be the last chapter but rather than make you wait even longer I'm going to post it in two parts. So even though it's not very long here's part one of the the finale haha... Hope everyone had a great Chrissie and New Years!! Happy 2010!!**

* * *

Freddie runs his hands through his hair, slumps down in the armchair. _Why did you say that, you fucking twat? Why? You know she didn't. Fucking idiot. Stupid, stupid, fucking __**twat…**_

Freddie has been sitting there, mentally beating himself up, since Effy left. He shouldn't have accused her of cheating on him, he knows that; he knows that she turned that guy at the party down, he knows that for some twisted reason she was punishing him, for what he wasn't sure but she couldn't go through with it. Freddie knows that she loves him. She must, otherwise why would she have said no? Why wouldn't she have just fucked him, like she did Cook, and then tossed him out when it hurt Freddie the most?

But she didn't. And Freddie knew she hadn't, but when Effy had spat her words at him, _assumed_ that the blonde slag at the party meant anything at all to him, he'd lashed out.

And fucked everything up.

* * *

Effy sat still, watching the iron-grey water slap against the side of the wharf. Pandora wasn't with her this time. Pandora was probably off with Thomas somewhere, having a laugh about something and being her usual hopeless self.

So Effy sits alone, watching and trying to block out everything but the suck and splash of the water. It's still overcast, grey sky reflected in grey water. She thinks of the first time Freddie kissed her, in the lake, the first time he let her know he loved her.

The image of Freddie kissing the blonde girl blooms behind her eyes and she bites the inside of her cheek so hard she tastes blood.

Effy doesn't really want to be alone, but she doesn't have anyone to go to. She runs over the options, dismissing one after another. Pandora's with Thomas. Cook's out of the question. Naomi might listen but she'll be wherever Emily is and she can't stand their particular brand of _in-love _right now… JJ would want to help her but he's Freddie's best friend and Effy knows it would be unfair to put him between them.

Then there was Katie. _Katie. _There's a sick kind of perversity about it that appeals to Effy, calling on Katie for company after the way things had turned out with Freddie. She doesn't expect the twin to be kind, but kindness is not what she is seeking anyway. Someone to share her bitterness with is enough, and Katie has bitter feelings to go round.

So Effy pulls out her phone, scrolling past names until she reaches Katie's name. She presses the call button and listens as it rings out.

"_Effy? What do you want?"_ Katie's voice through the earpiece sounds suspicious.

"Katie… I…" Effy is silent for a second – what exactly _did _she want from her? – and Katie huffs impatiently on the other end of the line. _"I'm fucking busy, alright? Hello? Are you with my sister? Put Emily on."_ She bosses.

"I'm not with Emily, I think she's with Naomi… Look, Katie, I'm just… Everything's a bit fucked up at the moment and… I just… I dunno." Effy is starting to wonder what she was thinking, calling Katie, and wonders whether she should hang up before Katie can do the same to her.

She's faintly surprised and a bit disappointed when rather than the dial tone she's expecting, she hears the twin's exasperated and slightly superior voice in her ear. _"No kidding, babe. Poor Freddie. You don't deserve him. I mean really Effy, what the fuck? Shagging that guy with Freddie just in the other room? He's never even kissed another girl since you've been together. I don't know why he's so into a slut like you."_

Katie can't help but be smug. Freddie hadn't wanted her, he'd chosen Effy, and now look at them both! They were miserable. She didn't even bother trying to keep the grin out of her voice.

Effy has nothing to say. "You-" she choked out. "You're wrong. He was kissing some girl at that party. I saw him." She tries not to sound pathetic but she knows as the words burst forth that she does, she sounds desperate and pleading and wants more than anything for Katie to say _Yes, you're right, he cheated on you, you did the right thing. He deserved to be punished. _Effy holds her breath, watches the water, waits for Katie to tell her she was right to try to hurt him.

But Katie doesn't. She sounds triumphant. _"He stopped that girl's ex from hassling her. She practically jumped on him, that's what you saw." _Effy's stomache falls._ "He didn't want to kiss her. He shoved her off straight away. Stupid bitch. She didn't shut up about it all night."_

Effy feels like throwing up. She'd been so sure of what she'd seen, so sure that Freddie was just like every other boy, so sure that he'd finally hurt her like she'd be expecting him to all along. Was it possible she could have been wrong…?

"He… he didn't…?"

"_So you fucked that boy to get back at him when he'd never done anything wrong to begin with. Hope you're happy, Effy." _Apparently satisfied with Effy's silence, Katie chirps a gleeful farewell and ends the call. Effy sits, quietly, phone still in hand, face white.

She watches the reel of Freddie and the blonde girl kissing dance again on the back of her closed eyelids. This time though she sees his hands on her shoulders, wonders for the first time if maybe rather than pulling her closer, he'd been about to shove her off. Then the image changes and she sees again the hurt, the confusion, and the anger on his face as she'd ascended the stairs with Gareth.

She cringes inwardly, hunches her shoulders. She remembers his words from the party, harsh, hurting. _You never fucking cared about me, Effy! You don't care about anyone._

And earlier in the afternoon, the disbelief in his voice. _You cheated on __**me.**_

Effy Stonem sits at the waters' edge, biting back tears, and waits silently for the rain.

* * *

**I know, I know, at the moment it's all doom and gloom!! I'm sorry! But really this is good because now Freddie knows she didn't sleep with Gareth, Effy knows he didn't cheat on her with the blonde, and everyone's feeling rather shit about it all so they're going to sort it out asap :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**So... Here's the final chapter of A Constant State of Confusion :) There's nothing I can really say apart from I'm so so very sorry it's taken me so long to complete and thankyou thankyou thankyou for not giving up on it! I hope this lives up to expectations..**

* * *

"Did you _walk _here?" Karen looks curiously at the bedraggled and smudged girl standing on her doorstep, but doesn't step aside or invite her in.

Effy ignores the question. "Is Freddie in?"

Karen rolls her eyes, sighing dramatically. "No, he's not." Effy turns to leave, but before she can step back out into the rain, Karen continues. "Heard about the party," she adds conversationally, and Effy recognises the malicious glint in her eye when she turns again to face her boyfriend's sister.

She wonders if Freddie really isn't there or if Karen's just doing the protective sibling thing. She wouldn't blame her if she was – there'd been more times than she could remember that she'd turned girls away from their red door with a blank stare and irritated shake of her head, Tony standing just inside the hall with laughter on his face. She'd felt in equal parts sympathy, irritation and – an inexplicable, in her mind – friendliness towards Michelle, but the other generically slutty girls disgusted her. Effy loved Tony and she respected him, whether he was deserving of that respect or not – but at the same time she was thankful that Freddie was nothing like him. Freddie had a sort of seriousness about him that reassured her.

She doesn't know what Karen wants her to say to that so she just fixes her gaze on the other girls face in response, a silent challenge for her to continue.

Karen doesn't seem intimidated. She smiles sweetly. "Just so you know, you don't fucking deserve him." She closes the door neatly in Effy's face, and Effy breathes out, unaware she'd been holding her gasp inside. Of course Karen would think she'd slept with Gareth at the party. Everyone did.

Locking her misery deep, she rearranges her face into a mask of disinterest, turning back into the rain, and immediately feels her hair plaster again to her face and down her back in the downpour.

As she walks past the shed towards the footpath, she feels new irritation building within her. Irritation at Karen, at herself, at Freddie. She scuffs her shoes along the pavement, feeling the squelch and slip of her feet inside the waterlogged canvas. _Fucking Karen, _she thought savagely. _What does she know, the fucking bitch. She probably wasn't even __**at **__that stupid party. And fucking Freddie, how was she meant to know he hadn't wanted the kiss? What the fuck else was she meant to think?_

Fury wells through her towards the blonde girl with the red lips. _That fucking cock-sucking horse-fucking whore blonde slut-bitch-dog- _Effy's angry thoughts are interrupted as she walks squarely into something solid, and feels her shoulders steadied as she stumbles a little in shock. She looks up to see Freddie's amused and concerned face, and with annoyance still coursing through her, yanks out of his grip.

The smirk leaves his face and he looks a little uncertain. He looks over her shoulder, along the path and up to his house.

"Been looking for you, Eff." His voice is raised a little over the rain pelting down around them. "Were you at my house the whole time? Your mum's in a foul mood, by the way."

Effy refuses to smile. Freddie looks at her intently, as intently as possible through the cold droplets running down both their faces. He leans close to her ear so he doesn't have to shout. "Effy, at that party, when you saw me kissing that girl-"

She shakes her head then, placing a hand firmly on his chest between them and giving him a little shove. "I didn't fuck Gareth. But I would have. I thought you deserved it." She barely speaks above her normal volume but somewhere inside her chest satisfaction begins to bloom, belying the cool expression she offers with her words.

Freddie shakes his head as if trying to clear it, one hand flipping drenched dark hair out of his face. He looks at her and back at his house, before striding past her, down the path towards his garden gate, opening it and waiting, folding his arms across his chest patiently. She glares at him, hating him a bit that he knows she'll follow eventually. But she _did _walk all the way here in the rain to talk to him, after all. So she puts a small dangerous smile on her face and passes him, letting him close the gate behind her and walking ahead of him through the garden to his shed.

Once inside she faces him, watching him quietly as he kicks off his sneakers and rubs both hands through his shaggy hair vigorously, flicking water all over the place. He also removes his sopping jacket, dropping it onto the floor next to him and his t-shirt – chosen hastily that morning from the piles of semi-clean clothing on his bedroom carpet – clinging to his wiry skater's frame.

Effy suddenly wraps her arms around her own torso, aware that in her rain-soaked state her short dress and tights are leaving even less to the imagination. For once she feels a little vulnerable and wishes she'd brought a coat. If they're going to be yelling at each other – and she's not entirely sure yet if she still _wants_ to yell at him – she doesn't want him to be distracted by her slutty little outfit. She'd chosen it that morning because she knew she looked good in it, knew Freddie wouldn't be able to keep his eyes and hands off her, and knowing that morning that she wasn't going to let him touch her until he apologised. Maybe not even then.

That morning she'd still thought he was a cheating bastard, after all.

He meets her eyes now, and approaches her easily, apparently determined to remain undeterred by her frosty demeanour. He stops in front of her and places a hand on either side of her arms, rubbing firmly but gently to warm her up. She very deliberately doesn't respond, just continues to look at his face, careful not to give anything away until he speaks first. He pulls her gently towards him until they are only a breath apart, before wrapping his arms around her and closing the gap. Effy fights not to relax against him, still wanting him to explain before she forgives him.

_Well, lets him __**know **__he's forgiven, anyway. _

"Effy," Freddie mutters into her hair. "The girl at the party was just some random slag that meant _nothing _to me, ok? I _love _you. Fuck, don't you _know _how much I love you?"

Effy stiffens, if possible, even more, but Freddie refuses to let go. "I kissed Gareth." She says quietly against his chest. "I meant to. I wanted to. He's a good kisser." She doesn't know why she adds the last part – he hadn't been, particularly, just very drunk and eager – but she does in spite of herself and her mouth curves into a smile as she feels Freddie's grip tighten almost painfully around her. A little thrill of glee jolts in her belly as he confirms, without words, his jealousy. He doesn't say anything.

She pulls away a little so she can look up at him. He has an expression of tight annoyance on his face. She moves her hands away from her own body until they're gently resting on his chest. "But I didn't sleep with him," she says softly, insistently, rising up onto her tiptoes so she can better look into his eyes. "I was mad at you but I didn't fuck him. Do you believe me?"

Freddie raises an eyebrow and moves his handsome face imperceptibly closer. After a moment he closes the distance and presses a light, chaste kiss to her mouth, then releases her from the circle of his arms and steps away from her. Now it is her turn to look amused and uncertain.

"I know you didn't. I knew that night but you'd already left and I was too drunk to find you and tell you. And then I didn't remember much of anything the next day. I'm…" he grinned a little ruefully. "I'm sorry I called you those um… names." He finishes sheepishly.

Effy allows the grin that's been growing at the corners of her mouth to shine through and takes a step toward him, and another and another until she has him backed up to the old sofa, cushions pressing against the backs of his knees. She gently pushes him backwards so he's sitting, and then carefully climbs half onto his lap. She snuggles closer to his chest and plays with the wet fabric of his shirt under her fingers.

"I'm sorry I slapped you."

* * *

**So there you have it :) happily ever after! By the way if anyone is still actually reading this after so long you have ennyselise to thanks for making me feel guilty enough to write and post this finale haha! Thankyou everyone again for your lovely reviews/alerts etc and I'll try not to leave it so long again if I write another fic! Much love, J x**


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